how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
