Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
