dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
