I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
