i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
