is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
