Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize