rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
