For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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