i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
