i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize