Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
