i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
