I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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