I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
