I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize