The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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