im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
