If i come over, it means nothing
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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