From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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