He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
