Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
