yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize