trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
