Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
