Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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