You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize