When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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