note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
