Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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