we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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