Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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