don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
