So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
