they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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