i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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