"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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