i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
