Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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