Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize