i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
