You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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