Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
