Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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