I just saw a hot homeless man
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
