i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
