dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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