dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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