i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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