dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
