You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
