You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
