I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
