at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
