I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
