when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
