I got chris browned last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
