a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
