I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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