dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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