it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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