your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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