Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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