I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
