Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
