Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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