He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
