While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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