Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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