Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
