I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
