brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
