i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
