I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
