She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
