soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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