i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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