I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
