Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
