shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
