false alarm. still invincible.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
