Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
