I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
