ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
