so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
