you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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