We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
