Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize