based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
