we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there's paper in my vomit.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
